SM Letter #15 - kind & contagious

LESSONS LEARNED

We were talking about things we might want to do for our 50th anniversary.

I had a brilliant idea. We were watching one of those Christmas romances (“Flight Before Christmas,” Mayim Bialik, I give it a “B” which is pretty good to me for those) -

“Let’s spend the year being extras in Christmas movies! I’m sure there are websites for casting calls and we’d make each one a fun trip and end up in movies where family and friends can say for years, ‘There’s Brenda and Gary!’”

“Uh, no.” She still doesn’t think I was serious.

Later she said she had the perfect idea for an anniversary gift for ourselves.

A truck.

She doesn’t want a truck. She’s never wanted a truck.

She’s heard me talk on-and-off about a truck for a couple of years. Usually I’m pointing out a classic-look F-150 from the 70’s, 80’s, or 90’s. It’s become a standard joke.

She said, “We could get a new one of the one’s you want!”

She doesn’t want something older. She really doesn’t want a new one either.

But she says, “We could use it to take trips and drive to the mountains. It’s a great idea!”

She's genuinely excited.

She’s totally thinking of me. And I love her for it.

Trip to Paris? Hawaii? A new ring because the one we got when we got married was based on me being unemployed at the time?

No, let’s buy a truck for Gary.

I haven’t been able to say a flat no because it gave her such joy to say it. But there’s no way she’s getting a truck she doesn’t want for her anniversary.

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But here’s the thing - when someone wants to do something unselfish and generous for you, it endears them to you even more, and you want to be even more generous and unselfish towards them.

In the social psychology world, it’s called the law of reciprocity, and awareness of it goes back to ancient times.

Basically, God made us to respond positively to kindness and generosity.

He’s wired us to be kind and generous to make the world better.

To me it’s obvious we’re wired to be sensitive to that, so we might be sensitive to HIS kindness and generosity to us.

And then God made us contagious.

So now after her idea, more than ever I want to do for her the kind of thing she wants to do for me. I don’t know what that will look like, but the motivation means it should have a great result.

This is the same kind of thing mentioned in the last 2 letters on a smaller simpler level:

• “Just do some good stuff on purpose during the neutral times and it can help overcome your screwups.” From Letter #13.

• And, “small positive things add up.” From Letter #14.

We’re all wired to respond positively to kindness and caring. And we’re contagious.

It’s supposed to turn into a positive cycle over time. We can start the cycle.

WORTH REPEATING

“On your wedding day, God loaned you an intricately crafted, precisely formed masterpiece.” - Max Lucado

WORTH TRYING

I think I should text Brenda more. I’ve noticed we can have fun joking back and forth about what we’re seeing or doing or thinking.

Here’s where I was in court up for jury duty recently. I was in the first batch of names called and let her know during a break.

“Walking like an ape” is an inside joke for what we think we could do to make a bad impression with strangers to get out of something. . .

Adding forms of communication for another way to connect in small positive ways can help.

WORTH REPLYING

So what would YOU want to do, have, or experience for a meaningful anniversary (Or what have you already done)?

We’re all different, I’d love to see the variety of what’s meaningful to us : )

Just hit reply - thanks!

Gary