SM Letter #2
---------
LESSONS LEARNED
Even after 50 years, there’s something that still happens that I don’t like -
During a disagreement it’s easy to turn into the weakest, worst version of myself.
I can get rudely blunt, defensive, argumentative. I can get in a bad mood pretty quick. Of course I’m human and I’ll do junky stuff, but it happens more than I want. You too?
However, I think there’s more going on in marriage than we might see on the surface . . .
I want to be patient and I want to be secure enough that small things don’t rattle me. I want to be bigger than everyday relational challenges. I want to be the kind of person who helps, not adds to her burden.
So, it’s as if marriage is helping me be that kind of person. How? Because it’s painful when I’m not that kind of person.
I don’t like the pain, so to avoid it I’m forced to deal with the thing causing the pain - me.
Obviously I have a ways to go to avoid the pain since it’s still there more than I like. But because I’m married, my shortcomings stay in front of me, prodding me on.
I didn’t get married to become a better person. But I’m grateful marriage makes it where I can’t avoid the challenge.
WORTH REPEATING
“Home is life’s undress rehearsal, its backroom, its dressing room.” - Harriet Beecher Stowe
WORTH TRYING
Want to get your way? Try to win. Make winning the goal.
Want connection and bonding? Be willing to lose. Make bonding the goal.
I think we decide one of these many times a day.
I say I want the bonding but then I try to win, which means I'm actually choosing winning no matter what I say.
Most of the time winning the point, proving you're right, getting your way, is super short-term and makes the relationship feel a little worse.
Bonding sure seems more valuable. It makes the relationship feel better. That's winning.
WORTH REPLYING
Did anything you read here encourage you, confuse you, or cause some emotional reaction (positive or negative)?
Just wondering, but I’d love to know - just hit reply.
Gary
P.S. - of course sharing the Simpler Marriage Letter with someone who comes to mind is a good idea :) Just forward it to them, or share this link where they can sign up for themselves -