SM Letter #11 - positive leads to positive

LESSONS LEARNED

I get up too late and realize I need to rush to make a doctor appointment.

I’m almost always late and she knows it.

I'm getting the leash and sorta mumble without thinking, “The dog walk has to be quick.”

I’m 50-50 that she’ll say, “You’re always late, will you ever learn to start earlier?”

Nope she doesn't say that.

She says, “Oh - I’ll walk her, you need to go.”

It felt good, but what was best was it felt like it came from a positive attitude toward me. That's the kind of thing you say and do when you feel positive toward someone.

My morning could have started with a negative interaction with her. It started positive and it mattered.

Our attitude toward our spouse influences how we treat them. We know this but often discount it.

Now, she could have had a negative attitude toward me and just overruled it to be nice.

But the easy way is to have a positive attitude toward the person, and so then positive responses just happen.

Also, for both of us, sometimes we have a positive attitude toward each other, but we're just in a bad mood and so respond negatively.

When that happens, despite a positive attitude toward the other person, it's common that we go back and apologize for the harsh response. It's not hard to apologize when we have a positive attitude toward each other.

It would be natural in this to think of your spouse and THEIR attitude toward YOU.

I wouldn't do that. You only control yourself.

I want to take care of my own attitude and take care of being the kind of person I want to be - that's all I can do.

But then - how can you make sure you have or get a positive attitude toward your spouse? More later.

WORTH REPEATING

“My wife and I didn't go down in a fiery explosion, our marriage bled out from 10,000 paper cuts. Quietly. Slowly." - Matthew Fray

WORTH TRYING

One morning a bunch of years ago in the kitchen my son-in-law asked my daughter, "How can I make your day better?"

I don't know why I never forgot it.

I've ended up asking Brenda the same thing regularly.

Once in a while there's an answer with something for me to do. Not usually.

I think the value is in the offer. It's risky. Your spouse COULD have an answer that needed effort from you, and they know it. And they know you asked the question anyway. Thus, the value.

How would you feel if you were asked that question regularly? Would they feel that way if you asked them?

WORTH REPLYING

What little thing does your spouse do for you that is actually a BIG thing to you? Do they know how big it is to you? I'd love to know, just hit reply.

Gary