SM Letter #4 - simple clues
LESSONS LEARNED
So one morning last week I’m rushed. Normally when I get up there’s time for a morning routine of coffee and a bite of something along with either reading, thinking, or listening to a devotional.
Not that morning. I’m hurried, and give Brenda some short answers and head right into a zoom meeting.
Fifteen minutes into the meeting she opens the office door and silently hands me a cup of coffee and a breakfast bar. She’s in and out in less than ten seconds.
I feel loved and cared for. And I think “she’s telling me she loves me.” She does this kind of thing all the time. I think acts of service must be one of her love languages.
So, how long did it take me to add this up:
If doing those things for me is a big way she says “I love you,” wouldn’t me doing them for her be a big way to make HER feel loved?
It was years before it hit me that I was being given this big clue on how to easily say “I love you” in a way she would really hear. It’s as if for years she was opening an “I love you” loop that I left open. Closing the loop is a simple thing that generates a small piece of love momentum.
Such an easy thing to notice! All of us are always quietly giving each other clues to meaningful ways to say I love you to us. Hey Gary, just notice and reciprocate! Close the loop and your relationship will notice.
WORTH REPEATING
“With the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” - Jesus
WORTH TRYING
Just a quick, “You look great today.” Saying it without being asked. But only if you really think they look great! If not, find something great and say that. Anything true and positive.
Especially if there’s a bit of head-butting going on, a true compliment can defuse things. What effect would hearing that have on you? Assume the same for them : )
WORTH REPLYING
Can you finish this? "I love it when my spouse _________." When they what? I’d love to know, just hit reply.
Gary
P.S. - BTW, if you find the tone or attitude in these letters helpful, you may like a book I wrote that comes from the same posture you get here.
It helps you embrace the timeless tools of peace and avoid the everyday tactics of disharmony. Everything in it applies to marriage, but it shows how it also applies to kids, grown kids, in-laws, etc. Here it is.