SML #103 - no daycation
LESSONS LEARNED
Saturday, I ask Brenda what she has in mind for the day.
She says nothing specific.
The last few months we’ve been out of town a lot, so I think, hey maybe this will be a “just do what I feel like doing” day. A day-cation!
That doesn’t mean I don’t do anything.
It means I just do what I feel like doing.
It’s nice to have a day once in a while where you only do what you want.
I end up in the closet thinning out shirts I don’t wear anymore. Don’t have to do it, I just feel like it.
Late in the morning we find out our daughter and family will visit in about two weeks. Great!
Brenda says before they get here she’d like the front porch pressure washed and “all those books on tables in the garage” put away. The books are from re-arranging my office.
No big deal.
Well except we’re going to be gone again most of the next week. That leaves less time to do it.
So after lunch I think I can keep my “day-cation” free and still at least do a little something in the garage.
I collect an old broken printer and some burned-out fluorescent lights to recycle. Plus I have two boxes of books to give away.
I pack them in the car and an hour later I’m back home.
Then mid-afternoon the son-in-law asks if I can bring the pressure washer when we come on Monday. We trade it back and forth for a few weeks or months at a time.
Of course!
Oh wait. That means if I pressure wash, I need to do it now or Sunday afternoon.
Hmmm.
I tell myself, hey just get everything ready, move the pressure washer to the front and get the hose connected, and then do the work tomorrow or Monday morning.
Not a big deal.
I get the machine from the shed and pull it around front.
Uh, oh, it needs gas. And the gas can is empty.
OK, just go get gas now.
It’s a little frustrating. I’m getting bugged.
I get back, and go to the side of the house to stretch the hose around to the front.
Wait a minute, the spray nozzle won’t unscrew.
If I can't get the nozzle off, then I can’t attach the hose to the pressure washer. Rats!
So I go around to the other side of the house to get the big 100-ft hose.
It’s loosely looped around the hose holder.
I scoop my arm into the loop and carry it to the spigot on other side of the house where it can reach the machine.
I try to fit it on the hanger for the other hose, but that hanger is too small for a 100 ft hose.
So I lay the hose on the ground. I’ll just uncoil it from there.
Oh no I won’t.
Even though it’s still basically coiled on the ground, IT WILL NOT UNCOIL GRACEFULLY.
And in seconds it’s a knotty wad of 100 ft hose.
It will need to be spread out and untangled gradually, with patience.
I’m not patient. I’m hot and sweating.
And then Brenda comes out to help. (I want to put “help” in quotes but I won’t.)
And she says, “I had the hose coiled up real nice on the hanger. I don’t understand why you couldn’t just keep it neat and rehang it.”
Oh man.
This is the part where in the old days a fight would have started.
I’m frustrated with everything. She’s frustrated with me.
Inside, I'm going If I’m going to do this, can I at least do it without being told I messed up which I already know?
Can I just have one simple day at home?
I’m not in a good place.
I’m mad because I lost control of my day-cation.
I’m mad at myself for messing up the hose.
I’m mad at myself for being mad.
I’m mad at myself for being mad at myself.
So what happened? Am I just a victim of events and my emotions?
Am I going to repeat the same scenes the same way they happened when I was 25?
Have I learned anything in over 50 years of being a grownup?
Next week.
WORTH REPEATING
“One of the scariest realities in life is that, if you insist, God will let you do it your way.” - Louie Giglio
WORTH TRYING
A simple thing to do when your spouse walks into the room after you've been separated a bit, maybe first thing in the morning, or returning from errands . . .
Smile.
Show you’re happy to see them.
It takes a few seconds.
When she does it for me, it's glorious. It's a way bigger deal than she thinks.
Gee, it matters to her that I'm here.
Which means when I do it for her, even though it's small and feels natural, it's a bigger deal than I think.
WORTH IT IF YOU WANT MORE
5 ways to cheer up your partner based on their love language - article with a short video
Dr. Psych Mom isn't for everyone, but over time I've found her very helpful.
Thanks for reading.
“You’re imperfect, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” - Brene Brown
You matter 😊
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Gary